I know its ridiculous. Some of you have re-habbed the un-re-habbiable. Some of you have been dealing with insane soundness issues and many of you have had to make some of the hardest decisions ever (letting a horse go: whether it be to a new home/lifestyle or to let them die peacefully). I shouldn't be this exasperated over some simple training issues.
But although my feelings may not be justified or necessary, they are my feelings none the less and they are real. And they hurt. And they scare me. And they make me desperately sad. Its been a long time since I've been to the point of not wanting to go to the barn.
Our trainer did a great job with him, but it doesn't translate to me riding him. She told me the other day that "bad riding leads to bad results and good riding leads to good results" when I asked why she wasn't having problems getting his transitions and I was. That doesn't help me to figure out what I'm doing wrong!!! I've ridden (rather successfully) all of my life. Now, why can't I seem to get my horse to improve. I don't want him to be wonderful and amazing at 3. I just want him to improve and not go backward when I work with him. It seems like the more times I ride him when Becky doesn't, the worse he gets. Then she does a few rides and hes back to OK. We had two nice rides this weekend, but Becky rode him all last weekend (trying to undo the damage I have apparently caused).
I thought for too long Saturday about selling him. I mean, he is the reason I work all the time (and only see him 3-4 days a week). And I live in constant worry about him getting sick or injured (bc I can't afford to fix it). And now, I worry about me even being able to ride/use my horse let alone pursue my competitive goals. But, I couldn't even make my money back by selling an extremely green broke 3 year old at this point. So I have to stick it out-- which is for the best bc I am madly in love with that horse and I just KNOW that one day, we will get through this.
So for now, I am trying to take things day by day. I have a couple potential job opportunities out near Eva's house, so cross your fingers for me. If I get any of these positions, I can try to find a trainer who can teach me to work with my boy and relocate him with me. I would be making much more money as well and it would alleviate a lot of the anxiety I feel about Granite getting injured or ill and me being unable to manage it. Please cross your fingers for me!!!
On a much more positive note. TK gets more and more wonderful. My family adores him (the beach trip was wonderful) and I am truly happier with him that I imagined was ever possible. I am so blessed to have finally found my somebody!
Eva, Tyler and I on my Daddy's boat at home!
Daphne at the beach, escaping the sun under our makeshift 'tent' for her.